Image from piercemattie.com

How much would it cost to (telephone) call Singapore from Hell? You’d be surprised!

Queen Elizabeth, Bill Clinton and Lee Kuan Yew die and go to hell. But the devil has only one phone there. Queen says, I miss my England, can I use your phone and hear how my people are doing down there.

She calls and talks about five minutes. Then she asks: Well devil, how much do I owe you for the call? The devil says: Five million pounds. She writes him a cheque and goes back to her chair .

Clinton wants to make a call too. He says I wanna call the US. He talks about ten minutes, then asks how much do I owe you devil? The devil says Ten million dollars He also writes a cheque and goes back to his seat

Lee Kuan Yew is jealous. He says I want to call Singapore. He calls and talks for about an hour to his son Lee Hsien Loong who is busy trying to find Mas Selamat. Then he asks the devil how much do I owe you?

The devil replies: only one dollar. Lee Kuan Yew is shocked and asks ‘why so little?’.

The devils says: if you make a call from one hell to another, IT’S LOCAL CALL.

* * * * * *

It’s just a joke. Sent to me by a Singaporean, anyway. Have a great weekend! HAHAHAHA !

97 responses »

  1. AAB says:

    Ha ha ha. Ahh…..My ribs…I can’t laugh anymore.

  2. hutchrun says:

    A Malaysian named Ah Meng dies and arrives in hell. He finds that there is a different hell for each country and he can choose which hell he wants to go to. He first goes to the Singapore hell. There outside the door is Ah Lian, looking bored. Ah Meng asks, “What do they do here?”

    Ah Lian replies, “First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Singapore devil comes in and whips your butt for the rest of the day.”

    “That’s terrible!” gasps Ah Meng. He is terrified! “I’m going to check out the other hells!”, he yells. He checks out the Thailand hell, the Indian hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the Singapore hell. You get tortured to death basically!

    Then he comes to the Malaysian hell and discovers a huge line of people waiting to get in. The line circles around the lobby five times before receding off into the horizon. Ah Meng pushes his way through to the head of the line. Amazed he asks “What do they do here?”

    He is told “First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Malaysian devil comes in and whips your butt for the rest of the day.”

    “But… but that’s the same as all the other hells! Why are there so many people waiting to get in?” Ah Meng protests pointing to the long queue.

    “True, but because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a former Gormen servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the canteen for teh-tarik…”

    Ah Meng faints!!!

  3. ghenjis khan says:

    hutchrun,

    you are a real “devil” . so how’s Ah Meng doing?

  4. hutchrun says:

    Top of the world since I last saw him. Happy as a lark.

  5. su says:

    He would be, I imagine. I got that once through my email, laughed my A$$ off!

    This Singapore “local call” thing is too much!! Start of a good weekend!!😆

  6. bamboo river says:

    @@@@@
    @
    @
    @@@@
    @ @ @ @@@ @@@ @ @
    @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @
    @ @@@ @ @ @ @ @@@
    @
    @
    @@@

    Do they accept REVERSE CHARGE ?🙂

  7. kai says:

    Five millions, 10 millions for a call, that is cheap! The smallest denomination in hell money available is in millions anyway and it goes up to trillions.

    BTW, hutchrun, great joke you got there!

  8. A joke is just a joke
    With funny bone to poke
    Unless with humour broke
    You’ll laugh at any joke

    (C) Samuel Goh Kim Eng – 170508
    http://MotivationInMotion.blogspot.com
    Sat. 17th May 2008.

  9. lucia says:

    yeah i got that one too long ago in my email, also the one by hutch. it’s good to post some jokes esp. during the weekend once in a while.

  10. Khairy Kemulutin says:

    I am working for a Singaporean. He calls himself as a 9 emperor or something like that. Every year the Accountant changes. Every month workers resigned. He bullies everyone that works for him.

    When the wife calls, he sounds like a kitten, otherwise he will be visiting every other massage parlour in town.

    The CEO’s limit of expenditure is a mere SS50.

    He on the other hand accounts to no one, not even God. Only his wife.

    When he goes to a mamak stall for a drink he will pull out a wad of cash, go through it a few times and than hands out a dollar.

    He drives around a flashy sports car, expensive watch, sports a mustache and use all the explitives in the book on his employees.

    Go to the banker driving an expensive sports car and when the loan is declined, blames the Accountant.

    When they are on the Malaysian highways, they speed like a demon and don’t mind paying for the fine. They say Malaysian police gives 50 % discounts and it is cheap. After the discount normally pays RM 150 which is only about S$65.

    They come over to Malaysian restaurants and after sometime, locals cannot pay the price anymore. The local restaurant caters for them only. After a while they get fedup and no body visits the restaurant anymore.

    I can go on and write a book about their tiny outlook in life.

  11. hkengmacao says:

    Malaysia is a great place even though it is a hell. Only if you are a devil yourself.

    Ha, ha, ha.

  12. I grew up in Malaysia and immigrated to a foreign country when Mamak became P.M. the reason (so did many others non Malays) was that his many policies for my and our growing families were no fair deal to them. To day my children have all become professionals in their chosen careers and serving in Singapore but will never serve in Malaysia even though Malaysia needs their skills. I am sure your policy would not have given them the opportunities anyway. For that only I must thank you, can you imagine without the non Malays, what would become of Malaysia.
    We ,as non Malays, were virtually forced to ‘squad’ so that the Malay can look taller.
    All non Malay children were forced to study one more year in ‘remove class’ in the name to study the not useful Bahasa Malaysia (Malaysia does not use Bahasa Malayis themselves outside their own embassies in foreign countries (just Mamak’s way and one of his many hurdles to retard the non Malays in life so that the Malays and above all the Mamak policy is seen to be helping the Malays look taller but ARE THEY really taller and supreme) ? Send one Malay to the moon eh to look taller ?
    Of course not to mention the many other obstacles he had introduced to retard the non Malays in their quest to do better in life. The same policy, has continued, under UMNO to day, under the pretext to correct the imbalances between the races as claimed by the Mamak during his HARDTALK with BBC. I have no qualm to help but to retard !
    The other races (are also Malaysians to day) immigrated to Malaysia years ago, after the Malays from Indonesia (not the Mamak he forefather came from India) with nothing. The non Malays,in the process, did not have to sell their souls like the Mamak in order to grow.
    With sheer hard work and determination the non Malays achieved what they have to day (just like Singapore Mamak !). Their rewards to day is seen to be the envy of the Malays especially UMNO but not so in so many other countries. The non Malays have the same chances (even without the help of NEP !) to do better in life and if the Bumi is too lazy or for whatever reasons cannot improve or educate themselves, are the non Malays to be blamed- Mamak or Umno ? Your policy in the name to correct the imbalances (no fault of any one especially the non Malays) is actually helping the Malays to be corrupted and remain more lazy and taking many things for granted is no help for them to improve in life. Right?
    The sooner the non Malays are told the need not to squad so the Malays can look taller is not working ! The Malays must emulate the non Malays for their many achievements in life especially their formula to do better in
    life is hard work and not with corruption and assistances.
    The NEP is not helping you and I think you do not need this crap to assist you to do better in life-you too have what the non Malays have- a pair of hands and legs and a brain -so start using them !
    God helps those who help themselves ever heard of them?

  13. ismail says:

    HELLO NAJIBMANAKAU..

    WHAT A STORY ABOUT YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.. GOOD DONT EVER STEP ONTO MALAYSIAN SOIL ANYMORE..WE ALSO DONT WANT YOU.

  14. ismail says:

    NAJIBMANAKAU…. another thing is why there is no chinese school in spore eh??

    gracious malaysia is the only country beside china allowed chinese school..go and tery your luck in indonesia.

  15. ismail says:

    NAJIBMANAKAU…. another thing is why there is no chinese school in spore eh??

    gracious malaysia is the only country beside china allowed chinese school..go and try your luck in indonesia.

  16. hutchrun says:

    First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

    As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

    With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

    This gives two possibilities:

    1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

    2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

    So which is it?

    http://www.funnymalaysia.com/2008/04/hell-explained-by-chemistry-student.html

  17. hutchrun says:

    Once during the gulf war, the President of USA, and the Prime Ministers
    of UK and Singapore were travelling on a warship that was cruising near S.Arabia.

    The 3 were talking about how brave their soldiers were; their discussion soon turned into an argument where each wanted to prove the bravery of their own soldiers.

    The Pres. of USA said, “let me show u what is guts”, where upon he called his Colonel and said “Jump into the sea and swim 3 rounds around this ship!”. The Colonel replied “Anything for Uncle Sam, Sir”, jumped into the shark infested sea and swam 3 rounds around the ship, with the sharks chasing him like mad! After the successful 3 rounds, the Colonel came up to the deck and said, “I did it for Uncle Sam Mr. President!”. The proud US President replied “That’s what I call guts!”.

    The Prime Minister of UK was pissed. He had to show. He called his
    3-star General and said “General, jump into the sea and swim 10 rounds around This ship!”. The General replied “Anything for the Queen, Sir”, jumped into the shark infested sea and swam 10 rounds around the ship, with the sharks chasing him like gila!(lunatic). After the successful 10 rounds the 3-star General came up to the deck and said, “Long Live the Queen!”.
    The proud UK PM replied “That’s what I call guts!”

    The Prime Minister of Singapore cannot tahan. He had to show that his soldiers have it too. He called one of his Private, Ah Beng and said
    “Soldier, jump into the sea and swim 50 rounds around this ship!”.

    The Private replied “Oi, you siao(crazy) izzit? I juz bought my condo and I Am paying through my nose. Now, U want me to jump and die? If u want to Hao lian (show off), you jump into the sea yourself ! @#*&%F!……..

    The Singapore PM grinned and said “Now,that’s what I call guts!”

  18. ktemoc says:

    A Catholic priest and a nun were taking a rare afternoon off, and enjoying a round of golf (at a place that has lost for the Penang government some RM200 million).

    The priest stepped up to the first tee and took a mighty swing. He missed the ball entirely and said ‘Shit, I missed.’

    The good Sister told him to watch his language.

    On his next swing, he missed again. ‘Shit, I missed.’

    ‘Father, I’m not going to play with you if you keep swearing,’ the nun said tartly.

    The priest promised to do better and the round continued. On the 4th tee, he misses again. The usual comment followed.

    Sister is really mad now and says, ‘Father John, God is going to strike you dead if you keep swearing like that.’

    On the next tee, Father John swings and misses again. ‘Shit, I missed.’

    A terrible rumble is heard and a gigantic bolt of lightning comes out of the sky and strikes Sister Marie dead in her tracks.

    And from the sky comes a booming voice:

    ‘Shit, I missed!’

  19. hkengmacao says:

    Ismail,

    You are a typical Malay. Please learn from Haris Ibrahim, Rocky, Rustam Sani, Malik Imtiaz, Musa Bakri, Nuraina A Samd, and even Marina (though she has not make a stand about her father’s deeds).

    If you don’t want to learn from these people, forever you can only be ‘jaguh kampung’. How to gain respect from others? Malaysia belongs to all of us. Even Malays send their kids to Chinese schools, why? Don’t keep harping on your useless ‘Ketuanan Melayu’.

    We Malaysians should act as one, stop talking about races. If our education system can cater for all races interests and needs, and not lopsided to Malays, why would there be a need for Chinese schools?

    Think about these rationally if you want to make Malays proud of themselves.

    Jangan tin kosong saja, bunyi kuat, tapi tiada isi. Even my written Bahasa Malaysia can be better than you.

  20. To Singapore:

    The joke on you is good for a laugh for a day

    No matter what, my fondness for you still stay

  21. sikapitan says:

    Hahaha…funny:)

    Oh, btw, hkengmacao, where in his replies did Ismail ever mention “ketuanan Melayu”?

    Both also gubra.

    Let’s be a little bit less sensitive shall we.

    Cheers:)

  22. tony says:

    ismail, if u cannot express yourself, don’t talk cock, who r u to tell others to get out of Malaysia???????? haha……just shut up and we won’t know u r so hollow

  23. zorro says:

    Good one sweetheart….made my weekend.

  24. diana says:

    hilarious. I’m a Singaporean but i just find it down right hilarious.

    Good one!😄

  25. hkengmacao says:

    sikapitan,

    This Ismail mentioned :-

    DONT EVER STEP ONTO MALAYSIAN SOIL ANYMORE..WE ALSO DONT WANT YOU, and

    gracious malaysia is the only country beside china allowed chinese school..go and tery your luck in indonesia

    So, if not ‘Ketuanan Melayu’, what else? Non-Malay Malaysians definitely not begger in our own land, our land of birth.

    If we want to be truly Malaysians, lets be frank with each other. Ismail raised the above issues, and lets discuss with rational and open mind.

    Co-incidentally, my best friend in school is also Ismail. But my Ismail is so different from this Ismail, He never treats me as ‘orang luar’.

  26. jclint says:

    I had a good laugh. Thanks.

  27. dodgy inc says:

    Boys and Girls,

    This post has nothing to do with politics.

    Lets have more laugh.

  28. susu kacang says:

    ….last night…after the Susu Kacang bottle fell on me…I got this sweet dream making love with Lee Kuan Yew (I AM ALL MAN!) but could it be that he’ll be the next prime minister of Malaysia?

    (…awwww!….in my dream I even served him a vvery wet blow job!)

  29. PokokMangga says:

    Hutchrun, I enjoyed your joke, thank you.

    Ismail, you are a typicla small minded Malay. If are brave enought to look back in history you are just a little nobody. Malaysia belongs to ALL Malaysian irrespecyive of race. LIke Najibmankau, I left Malaysia nearly 30 years and will not be coming back. My children are in the top world ranking univeristies pursuing the couses of their choice. If we were to be in Malaysia, this WILL NEVER HAPPENED. Look at the socalled MALAY graduates being churned by the local unviversities. Most of them can’t even read, write and speak let alone hold a job. No wonder the UNMO/BN government has to create the jobs in the CIVIL SERVICES to ’employ’ them. Most of them are a bunch of time wasters. My two sen woth.

  30. PokokMangga says:

    This Ismail must be a loser. I bet you he must be a MUSLIM. I hope this ismail who is MUSLIM do not practise ISLAM. From the little knowledge in ISLAM that I have learnt from my Pakistani, Iranian, Iraqi, Turkish, Indian and other MUSLIM friends, they are laughing at the muslims of MALAYSIA. They could not belive that these so called muslims are petty and very small minded.

  31. DR SURESH KUMAR says:

    hello ismail,

    history dictates it self differently for different countries,so to question the existence of vernacular schools in malaysia is totally absurd on your part.just imagine wjthout these vernacular schools what would be the std of our already rotten education system?
    i served in the govt hospital dedicatedly,i even incurred the wrath of some staff incidently bumiputras many times jst for telling them not to take coffee breaks until all patients are done wth,i continued to serve the patients from my heart ,end of the day when came to promotions i was overlooked.But its most dissapointing to see someone else who doesnt, deserve is promoted jst because they belong to one particular ethnic group.I derived my happiness and satisfaction treating my patients from all background ,my patients always appreciated me but not the govt.no matter how much hard you work end of the day its whether you are a bumiputera or not that counts when come to things like promotions and so forth.No regards for hard work,no regards for dedication.I got married to an equally dedicated dr who had an Australian PR,but i refused to go to Australia then,because i still loved my country Malaysia despite all discriminations hoping one day our malay brothers and sisters will be also on par with the other communities and so all these discriminations will be done away with ,but sadly that never seem to happen. We lost our Australian PR in 1996,as we didnt spend the 2 years required to be spent in Australia.For the next 10 years we served our patients in Malaysia.In these 10 years I found nothing improved in Malaysia in terms of racial equality and infact it became worse with further discrimination,marginalization of ethnic minorities in terms of education,economy,employment in the pulic sector,arrogant UMNO leaders and the list can go on and on my friend.Our lovely twins arrived in 2004,we decided that we do not want our kids to go through all those things we went through.I applied for our Australian PR again and the Australians were more than happy to grant us and welcomed 2 more drs on to their shore.Malaysia’s lost is Australia’s gain. We are very happy here now and the most important issue here is we feel very much wanted here and our kids will growing up unconfused and free from discrimination in an amalgamated and merit based society.

    I am writing this in response to your unfriendly remarks to NAJIBMANAKAU.You must except the reality and strive to improve yourself and your community and not give statements which smacks hatred.All we are asking is to be treated equally and to feel wanted in our country of birth.Otherwise Malaysia stands to lose valuable human resources which one cant buy. Stop comparing negative things of other countries and compare the positive things ,thats the way forward.Brother Ismail if you are going to be annoyed with me for this reply to your comments,I feel I have done a good job to make you start thinking.

  32. hutchrun says:

    Ah beng was asked to make a sentence using 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10

    This is what he came up with

    1 fine day I go 2 climb up a 3 bed-room apartment to peep. After being seen by the couple in the room, I got panic and had a great 4. The man rushed out and had a 5 with me. I run away to 6 for help. End up running into 7 eleven, I grab some 8 and throw at him and pull out a 9 to stab at him. And 10 hor …10 hor… 10 …. he die lor..

    continuation of the story….

    …..and 10 hor …..10 hor …. I put the 9 back on the shelf and pay for 8 and left 7 eleven. Next day I ‘kor’ my boss to say I am 6. He say 5. Tomorrow also don need to come back 4 work. He also say go climb a 3 and jump. I don understand. I nice 2 him but I don know what he 1?

  33. PokokMangga says:

    Ketuanan Melayu. LOL. You guys must be kidding. Look at the KKK in America, what happened to them!!!!

    White supremacy just like the Ketuan Melayu is a stupid joke. Those who subscribe this belief is so short sighted. How long do you think this will last.

    How can a practising muslim has this belief? Very sad and very STUPID. Even RPK and Din Merican do not subscribe to this stupid idea.

  34. hutchrun says:

    LOL, even the keris isn`t malay:

    This short dagger so reminiscent of the Indian viper, could have been nick-named as kuru-sooli also. There is evidence that swords and daggers with wavy blades were used in ancient India. For example look at the above picture showing Lord Indra, the King of Heavens in Hindu mythology, riding his white elephant Irrawadhi and holding two ‘keris’es in his hand.
    http://sathiam.blogspot.com/2008/05/origins-of-keris-alternate-view.html

    Seems like kerismuddin, najib, khairy all are paying obeisance to Lord Indra at UMNO Assemblies hahahaha

  35. hutchrun says:

    LOL, even the keris isn`t malay:

    This short dagger so reminiscent of the Indian viper, could have been nick-named as kuru-sooli also. There is evidence that swords and daggers with wavy blades were used in ancient India. For example look at the above picture showing Lord Indra, the King of Heavens in Hindu mythology, riding his white elephant Irrawadhi and holding two ‘keris’es in his hand.
    sathiam.blogspot.com/2008/05/origins-of-keris-alternate-view.html

    Seems like kerismuddin, najib, khairy all are paying obeisance to Lord Indra at UMNO Assemblies hahahaha

  36. PokokMangga says:

    Dr Kumar,

    I commend your courage and dedication to our beleoved country. Its good to konw that you are much happier in your adopted who welcomed you with open arms.

    Guess what, if this Ismaal bloke to apply for a PR in any foreign land, I believe they will reject him without second thought. I wonder what kind of qulaification he possesses. Like many of his fellow Malays who scored 10 Es and 1 D and still managed to get into the local Univeristies ahead of the non-bumis with staright As, I bet.
    Most of these bumbmi still need the CRUTCHES and soon the ZIMMERFRAMES.

  37. No ball Ismail says:

    This Ismail has no ball, chickened out.

  38. Ong Ting Ting says:

    Ismail… oh Ismail…

    Are you a overgrown, overfed and overpet ketuanan Melayu?

    A cat says… you pet me, you love me, you give me food, you provide for me… I must be GOD!!!

    You are no different from this Cat Lah!.

    On the other hand, Najib mana kau is a dog…

    You see.. a dog says the same thing like the cat but finally say the master is GOD!!!.

    Malaysia, leaders of Malaysia, be kind and fair to all and we shall all call you GOD,not ketuanan Melayu only.

    Ketuanan Melayu is a figment of imagination in these times in the Global world. Who are the Melayus in the international community if you don’t compete and work hard but depends on the Government?

    Pleaselah Ismail, grow up. If you write somemore, you only shows how much shit you have in your upstairs…..

    Peace, Salam Ismail. Talk… talk… fack … fack but salam must give.

  39. MalaysiaforallMalaysians says:

    Dear Dr Kumar,

    I was sent to Singapore to study by my dad since 7, and I am a Singapore PR now. Though I have only lived my first 7 years, followed by an average 2weeks per year for next 30 years in Malaysia, I still felt a lot toward Malaysia.

    Off course, the fact that all those disappointment one after another (news on those Scandals, corruption, unfair treatments) did discourage me and made me ponder if there is still hope………….

    I still pray that one day, Malaysia is indeed truly belonged to all Malaysian.

    Dr Kumar, no matter what happened, in our heart, we are still Malaysians, Let’s try one way or another even if we are not in Malaysia, to made the dream come true. It may not happened in my lifetime… one day it would. I believed u would concur with me.

    Dr Kumar, I respect u. I wish u all the happiness and the best of all in Oz.

    To Ismail and other typical- Ismail- think-alike Malaysians, I also wish u all be well and happy. We are Malaysian, even if u dispute or express extreme thought. Nothing would change the fact. Malaysia Boleh! be it Yr 2020…. 2220, or Yr 202020…2020202020……….It is your call.

    From
    Malaysia_for_all_Malaysians.

  40. raj raman 666 says:

    a funny entertainment joke- i enjoy it very well.

    rajraman666.suddenly one devil ismail came and spoil the joke and my laugh become tears due to your racist comment.

    En,Ismail-pls defend yourself or appologies-pls dont spoil our day.

  41. kai says:

    Hi DR SURESH KUMAR

    Welcome to Australia, the land of long weekends, or at least it used to be🙂

  42. ah Long says:

    God and the devil had a fight and God told the Devil that he is going to sue him.

    The Devil laughed at God and said “good luck, I just want to know how are you going to find yourself a lawyer and a judge huh? I have got them all”.

  43. Jed Yoong says:

    HA ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha GOOD on….HA HAHAHHAHAHA..lightened up the mood. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. local call ha ha ha haha GOOD ONE! ROTFL

  44. ah Long says:

    May God bless Singapore….in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Goh !!!!

  45. Malaysian says:

    Wow, everybody’s very high and mighty when it comes to condemning the malays yea?

    What was meant to be a simple joke about Singapore turns out to be another Malay bashing session.

    Let me enlighten you people la, okay?

    Its all very well and good to take potshots at the average malay guy in the street, to put all your blame on them, to blame all the ills of the country on them. They’re very visible, quite powerless- quite an easy target yea?

    I think some of you people should wake up to the fact that the OVERWHELMING proportion of malaysia’s corruption and wastage is down to the elite, well connected superclass of malays, chinese, indians, ibans and kadazans.

    When you people take pot shots at malay police officers, teachers, nurses, etc (all these little people), spare a thought for the Chinese and Indian Godfathers who are screwing all of us. Spare a thought for:

    Vincent Tan, Ananda krishnan, the Genting family, Francis Yeoh, Robert Kuok and many many more, who each year rake in BILLIONS OF RINGGIT of supernormal profits from us ordinary malaysians, from their gambling monopolies, infrastructure and utility concessionaires, soft commodity monopolies, and so on.

    Do you think the above people got to where they are just because of hard work? Yes, some of them work hard, but believe me its only possible to make the amount of profits they do because of their connections. Please wake up la- those people are every bit as wasteful as those little malay school teachers and nurses that you talk about, except that each one of those godfathers sucks the blood of this country equivalent to maybe a hundred thousand undeserving malay contractors or whatever.

    I’m not saying that you guys arent correct about bumiputera corruption and wastage. You’re absolutely correct.

    But if you want to create a new national consensus on where we go from here, I would recommend changing our political dialogue from Malay vs Non malay to Godfathers vs Rakyat. This is something we can all coalesce around, all us malaysians, regardless of race. I am sure that the malay working class (which are the the majority of malays, for your information, because the malay community has gross income inequality) would support their non malay friends in removing the privileges of the malay superclass.

    I was there in Kampung Baru on 14 April when thousands of Malays thundered their approval for Anwar’s proclamation that Ketuanan Melayu be replaced with Ketuanan Rakyat.

    The Malay masses are ready to sign up to a new social contract, as it were. Stop taking pot shots at them.

  46. taishan says:

    No lah, the real reason : devil was afraid n gave a discount. LKY is the bigger devil.

    As for Ismail balik lah Indon ……

  47. raj raman 666 says:

    to,
    ismail the racist,

    i just goes throu your comments in sloone blogs gani to investigate mahathir-there also you made some racist comments regarding our cinaputra.

    To ah long,hutchrun and others,
    i am back as raj raman666.just change my name few days ago.-

    rajraman666-indianputra of malaysia-what rights you have as malay to be racist in my own country.If u MR.ISMAIL want to be racist please get lost from malaysia before i become the demon999.

  48. Sang Kancil says:

    Hei Malaysian,

    Why did you not mention the X-Finace Minister Daim stole RM42 Billion ringgit and managed to to get a Tunhip as well. Also SOROS did mention that the children to be precise the sons of Mamak colectively are worth US$8 Billion. Hei Malaysian, these people are the worst kind.

    If the malays really want to change for the better, remove that stupid attitude and cast your vote against UMNO/BN and let move forward for the bettrement of Malaysia.

  49. Pegasus says:

    Singapore without any natural resources have done very well to establish itself on the international platform and the country leaders have definitely work hard to bring its status as it is today. Malaysia with all the resources could have done better then S’pore unfortunately with all the BN sharks lurking at every nook have swindle and rob the nation over the years.
    Malaysians of all races -Malays,Chinese,Indians,Orang asli,Muruts and the rest should unite and get the country back on track. The country belongs to all Malaysians irrespective of race and religion.
    People like Ismail with their narrow-minded views are certainly a hinder to wards this goal.They should be kick in the ass to the space. With the Politic Tsunami that took place on 8th March,lets wait for the Politic Earthquake to come, this would be certainly ground shattering!!

  50. sloone says:

    ke ke ke
    you know what people, we’ll share a joke every weekend if we can … it’s fun…i got a good laugh from a few jokes here. even the political comments turned into a joke for me. Kah kah kah!
    have a merry sunday🙂

  51. iyyeo says:

    Nice joke. Studying in Singapore for the 11 years has made me understand the jokes better:) Keep it up:)

  52. bini orang says:

    susan,

    This Ismail should be wacked for his narrow mind. Malays in general are nice except this Pak Mail and Che…..apanama….?

  53. Malaysian says:

    “Ismail made a phone call to hell, and the devil said: don’t worry, it’s … free.”

  54. descksoon says:

    Ah hutchrun, good one. ANd whether Hell is exothermic or endothermic came from some paper that a college student turned in and got an A for….I remember that one well.

    No jokes from me, a Singaporean living in Dubai. Al I know is that I still love Adam Road hawker centre (will be back in 12 days for the great makan).

    My father was a Malaysian. Then he moved us all to SIngapore in the early 70s. Guess he has no regrets. I wonder though, how my life would be if we had stayed on in KL. Prob not too bad. But I think we all got better opportunities in Singapore.

  55. Polis Diraja Malaysia says:

    All of you who condemn the Malays are risking yourself to be arrested. You may want to watch what you write or comment. Think before you write.

  56. flyer168 says:

    Apparently this is
    a true story from the Fortune Magazine.

    Title:
    Young and pretty lady wishes to marry a rich guy.

    Fantastic reply from a financial person

    A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular
    forum:
    Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?

    I’m going to be honest of what I’m going to say here.
    I’m 25 this year. I’m very pretty, have style and good
    taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary
    or above. You might say that I’m greedy, but an annual
    salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in
    New York. My requirement is not high. Is there anyone
    in this forum who has an income of $500k annual
    salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask: what
    should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among
    those I’ve dated, the richest is $250k annual income,
    and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone
    is going to move into high cost residential area on
    the west of New York City Garden (?), $250k annual
    income is not enough.

    I’m here humbly to ask a few questions:
    1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list
    down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
    2) Which age group should I target?
    3) Why most wives of the riches is only
    average-looking? I’ve met a few girls who doesn’t have
    looks and are not interesting, but they are able to
    marry rich guys
    4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can
    only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get
    married)

    Ms. Pretty

    Here’s a reply from a Wall Street Financial guy:

    Dear Ms. Pretty,

    I have read your post with great interest. Guess there
    are lots of girls out there who have similar questions
    like yours. Please allow me to analyze your situation
    as a professional investor. My annual income is more
    than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope
    everyone believes that I’m not wasting time here.

    From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad
    decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so
    let me explain. Put the details aside, what you’re
    trying to do is an exchange of “beauty” and “money”:
    Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it,
    fair and square. However, there’s a deadly problem
    here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be
    gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income
    might increase from year to year, but you can’t be
    prettier year after year. Hence from the viewpoint of
    economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a
    depreciation asset. It’s not just normal depreciation,
    but exponential depreciation. If that is your only
    asset, your value will be much worried 10 years later

    By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has
    a position, dating with you is also a “trading
    position”. If the trade value dropped we will sell it
    and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term
    same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might
    be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser
    decision any assets with great depreciation value will
    be sold or “leased”. Anyone with over $500k annual
    income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will
    not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking
    for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you
    could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k
    annual income. This has better chance than finding a
    rich fool.

    Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in
    “leasing” services, do contact me
    signed, J.P. Morgan

  57. flyer168 says:

    This is for Malaysians….

    Abdullah Badawi is very impressed with the quality of the ministers of Singapore.

    During one of his visits to the republic, he asked Minister Mentor Lee Kwan Yew on why Singapore always has capable leaders. MM Lee replied that he would test all the politicians by asking them questions before making them ministers.

    To prove his point, MM Lee called Senior Minister Goh Chok Tong into his office and asked: “Chok Tong, Who is your father’s son who is not your brother?”

    Instantly, SM Goh answered: “It’s me.”

    PM was very impressed. On his return to his country, he called his deputy, Najib, into his office and asked him: “Who is your father’s son who is not your brother?”

    His deputy hesitated and informed that he would reply the next day. He went to see the smart Dr. M and asked him the same question. Instantly, Dr. M answered: “It’s me.”

    The deputy is so happy and went to see the PM and told him: “I know the answer, it’s Dr. M.”

    PM was appalled at the answer given by his deputy. He told his deputy off: “Stupid, it’s not Dr. M, it’s Goh Chok Tong.”

  58. Sandy says:

    Najibmanakau,

    You need to improve your grammar and spelling.

  59. siao liao says:

    Talking about hell & money, I think Chinese is still the best in banking, not the Jews as most people claims. There are two reason for that. 1) Only Chinese managed to open a bank in Hell call “Bank of Hell”. 2) Only Chinese can transfer money to another world ( in fact not only money, if you want send car, TV, DVD player or MP3 also can ). Don’t forget these has been done long before T/T or email started.

  60. hutchrun says:

    Chinese is still the best in banking, not the Jews as most people claims – siao liao

    That malay fanatic Mahathir said something similar in `Malay Dilemma`🙂

  61. susu kacang says:

    Hallo….hallo…ada orang di sanakah? No big news….a while ago Kuan Yew just finished my ‘ONLY COUPLE OF BALLS”…………..mommmmmy…I want my balls back!

  62. susu kacang says:

    …listen ye Malayans…..you Rose of Malaya! ONCE WE SAY WE GONNA MOVE OUT……WE GOING TO MOVE OUT FROM THE MALAYSIAN SUN!

    Hear this….all ye Malaya’s STUNTMEN!….enough is enough…please don’t ever use Sabahans as “political decoys!” I TELL YOU PUTRAJAYA….ONCE WE …REALLY…REALLY…MOVE…THEN IT WILL BE A QUEENLESS MOVE AGAINST THE KING!

    Hey..hey…….hhey..I am talking about Chess here…where a “queenless opponent stumbles the King!

    WE ARE SABAHANS……AND AS LONG AS MIGHTY KINABALU FACES BOTH SUNRISE AND SUNSET 24/7…….WE THE “ORANG UTANS” REIGN OVER NORTH BORNEO AS GOD AND GODDESSES!

    Lord of the Nunuk Ragang…
    S.P.A.R.R.A

  63. hutchrun says:

    FRANKFURT, Germany, May 16 (UPI) — A German scientist has proved that people forced to smile and take on-the-job insults suffer more and longer-lasting stress that may harm their health.

    Dieter Zapf of the Johann Wolfgang Goethe University in Frankfurt studied 4,000 volunteers working in a fake call center. Half were allowed to respond in kind to abuse on the other end of the line while the other half had to suck it up, The Telegraph reports.

    He found that those able to answer back had a brief increase in heart rate. Those who could not had stress symptoms that lasted much longer.

    “Every time a person is forced to repress his true feelings there are negative consequences,” Zapf said. “We are all able to rein in our emotions but it becomes difficult to do this over a protracted period.”

    http://www.upi.com/NewsTrack/Top_News/2008/05/16/scientist_smiling_can_hurt_your_health/2772/

  64. clearwater says:

    Susan, hutchrun, ktemoc, flyer168,

    TQ for the moments of brevity. It made my day. Only wish other commentators would fall in line and post something light hearted so we can all have a good laugh. Share some easy comradeship instead of intense emotions in this post.

  65. Ismail,

    You do not get my message, if the Chinese without the NEP (despite my grand-father having immigrated to Malaysia later than all the pirates from Indonesia right?) with sheer hard work can still get his descendants to where they are, why can’t the Malays or the pirates who came here earlier and now with the NEP do to improve ? The truth hurts all the time la!
    I do not have to respect those do not respect themselves.
    I was only asking all you Malays to use your hands and brains and that is if you have any. You would not need to have a Mamak or an Arab or even a Thai as President of UMNO to improve your life instead of relying on the NEP. I realise UMNO have no choice.
    The NEP is not helping the majority of the Malays, it is only used as an excuse for robbers like Mamak Mahathir to steal for themselves,billions of dollars and leave the crumbs to you all, or may be you too use the NEP to steal and rob like the Mamak Mahathir. You need me to tell you this bloody racist ?
    Why must the non Malays be forced to ‘squad’ so that the Malays can look ‘taller’ ? The truth of the matter is that the Malays are too lazy and that is the reason they must have the NEP to make the Malays look ‘taller’ to begin with.
    All the Malaysians are asking is for equality but that would be too much for the pirates and would leave them far far behind to study in the sub standard schools and universities Mamak has created. To become doctors to kill or robbers and be sued!
    First, it was agreed the policy to ‘steal’ is for only thirty years but after more than fifty years the Malays still want and need to have the NEP to go on. This is ‘agreement’ from the pirates !
    I thank God ,or Allah for you, that I no longer live in Malaysia and sometimes I wish I had come down from my car during my confrontation with the cowards and racists on 13 may 1969 and would have got killed myself but I would have also killed a few racists like you at least for sure ,in the process of fighting back.
    For your information I have no desire at all to go back to visit Malaysia since I left that corrupted country (from the customs officers at the airport to the governments offices) more than twenty five years ago. I now live happily in Singapore.
    Also please check up where did you get the wrong information that there is no Chinese school in Singapore ? In Singapore even the Malays there learn Chinese and for your information my Australian P.M. K. Rudd speaks Chinese very well.
    For Sandy, please note my parents could not afford to sent me to school to learn grammars and spellings when I was a boy. If you want to talk about grammars and spellings you might be interested to talk to one of your own kind.
    I have one child who teaches English in the University who might be able to teach you a few thing about grammars and spellings. At least, I bet you would ,after a secession with him, you will have to go back to school to learn more. I am proud to be able to write the way I do without having been to school. How is that for having learned to write all that and always remember never judge and you will never be judged. Did you not learn that in school or at home from your parents.

  66. hutchrun says:

    Why must the non Malays be forced to ’squad’ so that the Malays can look ‘taller’ ? – Najib Manaukau

    haha that`s easy – So Mahathir`s sons could drive around in Mercedes🙂 (that`s a reason he gave). Idiots, if not for the fact that they are dangerous, can make us laugh.

  67. kai says:

    Sandy Says:
    May 18, 2008 at 6:04 am
    Najibmanakau,
    You need to improve your grammar and spelling.
    ………………………….

    Hi Najibmanakau

    Don’t be discouraged by what Sandy said. We are not attending primary school here. My English is just as bad as anyone. I have my 3 kids here to correct me every now and then, not to mention the wife too. If I need a lesson, I would go to them first, not here, not you Sandy and anywhere.

  68. MalaysiaforallMalaysians says:

    To Najib Manaukau,

    My English is not perfect too. There is always room for improvement. I will improve mine… point taken.

    At times, we just have to bare with those that were unable contribute constructively and unable to focus on the main topic. Let pardon them.

    English can be improved easily but it take more effort to “flush” those rubbish and blockage out of the narrow minded people.

    To all, may u all be well and Happy.

    From MalaysiaforallMalaysian in Singapore.

  69. ed says:

    Friend of mine told me that he was knocked off his socks when a Singaporean boy said on Singapore TV that his ambition is to be a Caucasian

  70. kai says:

    Hi ed,

    That can be done. No problem. Just look at that Wacko Jackson!!

  71. Sang Kancil says:

    This Sandy cow mustbea right stupid. We are just blogging and jesting and we are not having any English lessons. Who the eff does she thinks she is, must be some big fat and ugly Hefer from rural England.

  72. Sang Kancil says:

    I agree with some fellow contributors that a large a majority (not all of them) of bumbbi are lazy and rather dense. However, I find that a large number of chinese are vey money minded and never cooperative amonst themselves. Always out to make a buck. I know a lot of them and this applies to any chinese, be it form China, HK, Spore, Malaysia, Indonesia etc. I ahve maet may of them and the mind set is the same. What s sorry saga.

    As in Malaysia, these MCA nd MIC running dogs for the UMNO are the main causes of the downfall of the non-bumis. In order for all Malaysians to forge ahead, we must move in one direction collectively.

  73. anarky says:

    Good one Susan, funny as HELL………………..😀

  74. MalaysiaforallMalaysians says:

    18 May 08 – From 730 to 1130pm.

    DO tune in CHannel 52 in SCV now for the 4hr Charity SHow to raise funds for CHina EarthQuake’s victim.

    U can call +886-27722-1111 to donate. Your call may be attended by Taiwan President-to-be (Ma Ying Jiu) or other singers or actor.

    I tried calling for past 30min….. yet to get thru. Still trying……

    —————————-

    Singapore Red Cross etc should consider working with SCV and Taiwan to have a local donation call line to flash in the show, to make donation easier for us in Singapore.

  75. merepek says:

    write more lah and show your good grammar …..sandy oh sandy ….

  76. Sang Kancil says:

    Sandy must be sleeping, like u know who!

  77. rajan says:

    I agree with “malaysian”@8.15, that it should not be malays vs nons, but malaysians vs umnoputras, Lets not complicate things , it is my sincere wish to see all Malaysians showing mutual respect to each other and merits should be the deciding factor in considerations for scholarships/promotions
    Sometimes, it could be non compatibility that could be the cause of misunderstandings or for one to feel dejected.
    Lets go for MAKKAL SAKTI in true spirit . The people against injustice.
    Generalisation is unfair.
    Not all malays are “bad”, not all nons are “good” The average rakyat are all in the same boat. Lets support the winds of change for the betterment of all rakyat irrespective of race, creed or colour.

  78. […] gleened from fellow blogger Sloone and his commenters! =)) I thought I should share it with you peeps and especially those from Singapore […]

  79. DR SURESH KUMAR says:

    Hi again friends,

    I thank all of you who wished me well and I wish you guys well too.

    To Rajan,I absolutely agree with you.Not all malays are bad.I referred to the malays as brothers and sisters in my post,that goes to show I respect them as fellow malaysians.I dont really blame them its the fault of the system.So now the best the malay community can do is to repeal this NEC which had robbed many hard working and dedicated non malays of a decent living in terms of economy and education,the least.We are not asking for handouts but merely to be treated equally in our country of birth.Is it too much to ask for?

    I am saddened that increasing number of Malaysians are migrating due to frustration than anything else as in my case.As malaysianforallamalysians said ,wherever we are,we are still Malaysians and lets do our bit to bring all Malaysians together,that spirit is still in me.But we cant do it without the co-operation and understanding of malay brethrens.

    I hope the mandate of the ‘rakyat’in the 12th GE will change our political landscape forever for the betterment of malaysians regardless of caste creed and religion.I wish all of you well.

  80. DR SURESH KUMAR says:

    HI FELLOW MALAYSIANS,

    I WISH TO THANK ALL THOSE WHO WISHED ME WELL AND I WOULD LIKE TO WISH ALL MALAYSIANS WELL TOO.
    MAY GOD BLESS MALAYSIA OUR ONLY KNOWN MOTHERLAND.

  81. DR SURESH KUMAR says:

    TO RAJAN,

    I CONCUR WITH YOU ABSOLUTELY THAT NOT ALL MALAYS ARE BAD AND THAT NOT ALL NON-MALAYS ARE GOOD INDEED.ACTUALLY THE QUESTION OF GOOD OR BAD DOESN’T ARISE HERE.WHAT WE ARE TRYING TO POINT OUT IS THAT THE SYSTEM HAS MADE OUR MALAY BROS AND SIS’ LOOK INCAPABLE TO BE ON PAR WITH THE OTHER COMMUNITIES.

    THE ONUS NOW IS ON THE MALAY COMMUNITY TO REPEAL THE FLAWED NEP AND WORK HAND IN HAND WITH OTHER COMMUNITIES AND FOR THE GOVT TO BE FAIR TO ALL MALAYSIANS REGARDLESS OF RACE.IT SADDENS ME TO SEE MALAYSIA LOSING CAPABLE CITIZENS TO OTHER COUNTRIES OUT OF MERE FRUSTRATION DUE TO UNFAIR GOVT POLICIES TO FAVOUR ONLY A CERTAIN ETHNIC GROUPS.THAT IS NO GOOD FOR THE FUTURE OF MALAYSIA ESP IN THIS GLOBALISED WORLD.

    WITH DUE RESPECT TO OUR MALAY BRETHRENS LETS MAKE THIS WONDERFUL COUNTRY REACH GREATER HEIGHTS TOGETHER.ALL IS WELL ENDS WELL.GOOD LUCK.

  82. MalaysiaforallMalaysians says:

    The Government Policies may in fact only favour a small group of ppl only.

    I may not be considered as capable, but indeed i have came across many Malaysians in senior management in companies, and governement sectors in Singapore.

    Ultimately, together we build a better Malaysia for all MALAYSIANs, regardless of race, language or religion.

    Malaysia Boleh!!!!…… in Yr 2020, or 202020. It is your call!!!

  83. artemus22 says:

    Please stop dividing ourselves into Malays and Non-Malays.

    Sometimes when I’m free I like to take a stroll down the market place (wet market, pasar malam, pasar Rabu and etc.) to see how the people are doing. Lately, since the increasing costs of goods, I’m quite moved by what I’ve seen. People are struggling to make a living and these people include Chinese, Indians and Malays as well. You see, whether we are Malays or Non-Malays, everyone is going through the hard time together. So stop bickering. Let’s work together as ONE and build a strong economy for our country.

  84. PokokMangga says:

    I agreed with Rajan and Artemus22. We must alll try to set aside this stupid race issue. We are all Malaysian and we must dtrive together as one. Let the idiotice ruling parties fight amongst themselves and self destruct. Lets not be hoodwinked by these good for nothing politicians (UMNO/BN scum bags).

    As Artemus22 said, lets move together as one and I bet my bottom ringgit we will succeed, one day, please GOD.

  85. amoker says:

    Yes, all are malaysian.

    I guess the only other reason that Chinese schools are still surviving in Malaysia is becoz it looked like the last bastion of quality education. While i snigger at it last time, i think when the time come for me to decide for my children’s education .. i would send to a Chinese speaking school. The other choice is private school, which are too pricy. I wish those Missionary schools will be revived. The discipline and sense of excellence have been lost thru nationalization of the public schools.

  86. cluck says:

    LMAO!!!

    liked this so much, i swiped it – hope u don’t mind?
    linked back to ya anyway.

    PEACE!
    Cluck

  87. jury says:

    waaa…you are bad to the goverment servant….but nice one ahhh…

  88. dodobrazil says:

    can we have more?………..I don’t want to stop laughing.

  89. artemus22 says:

    amoker says:
    I guess the only other reason that Chinese schools are still surviving in Malaysia is becoz it looked like the last bastion of quality education.

    Some Chinese medium schools in Penang set their passing mark at 60%. One secondary school principal disclosed to me that the passing mark for one particular paper in SPM is only 12%. No wonder nowadays more and more wise Malay parents are sending their children to Chinese medium schools.

  90. Malaysiaforallmalaysians says:

    artemus22 ,

    so how are they going to pass the professional exam that i took 5 yrs ago? The passing mark then was 75 and I only got 76. Just passed!

    guess i was only considered average (just passed) compared to these wise guys who scored 20-50 (Passing mark was 12), they passed with flying colors! ha!

  91. artemus22 says:

    Dear Malaysiaforallmalaysians,

    I’ve no answer, but I still have not given up hope that our country will change for the better soon and our future generations will be able to ‘berdiri sama tinggi, duduk sama rendah’ with other nations from the developed countries.

  92. MalaysiaforallMalaysians says:

    Artemus22,

    Great. We do think alike. Malaysia Boleh!

  93. Sang Kancil says:

    Guys, When I was back in Malaysia for a short holiday, I read in the papers that there were various students who gain 17 or 21 As on their SPM exam. My god! What clever persons they must be.
    However, I heard from my x-classmates (teachers) telling me that not only are the pass marks lowered but the marking scheme is skewed towards you know who. So these clever clogs have been lied to and they are being cheated. Can you imagine when they are sponsored to overseas universities to compete in the real world, boy, what a shock they will get. Sad but alas, only Malaysia Boleh!

  94. CaSsIdY says:

    Hey!

    I don’t really know wat im typing cuz i didnt read this thing but…… do any of u people know who Dejan is???

    hes a hootie!

    and im goin out wit him!!!!

  95. CaSsIdY says:

    uuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmmmmm ya im back!

    did anyone even read this???

    cuz if u did then ur losers!

    talking about hell and wht not!?!?!

    wow!!!

  96. CaSsIdY says:

    Here im back again!

    And it says that i posted these on June 3 but to me its really June 2

    @ singapore i have a friend who lives there named Tejaswi!!!

    she is awesome!!

    if someone eles reads this can u reply to me???

    thank you!!!

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